Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
