Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
