I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
