I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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