tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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