Someone shit on the floor
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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