last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
not ubering you a puppy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
