Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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