your thong is hanging out like whoa
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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