when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
