i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
