you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
