Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
