Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dicks are not precious.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
