Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
