Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
