What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
