Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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