No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
