i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
