where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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