My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
