when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
