I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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