Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
