I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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