I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
