saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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