I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
