omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
