Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
