Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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