Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
