Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
