I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
