News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
