I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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