You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
