It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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