Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
