my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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