It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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