In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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