this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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