I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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