I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
