there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
