You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
