Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
false alarm, still single
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
