Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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