I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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