I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
