Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
