I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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