When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
