I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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