remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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