I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
