I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
